I was walking along looking for somebody
by Eleai
Summary: I was walking along looking for somebody, and then suddenly I wasn't anymore. -A.A. Milne   In which Caroline hates geometry and Stefan understands.


The hallway is mercifully empty when she slips out of geometry class, crushing the pink nurses slip in her left fist. She is barely holding it together, but she knows she can make it to the parking lot, because Stefan taught her how to breathe through it, and she can do this much for him. Normally school isn't this bad, but for some reason geometry is the _worst._ She's not sure if it's because its unusually crowded (a mix of too smart freshman and too dumb seniors and Caroline because she has always, always hated math) or because the thermostat is broken so it's always just slightly too warm (which makes everyone sweat just enough to start to smell five kinds of delectable) or because Mrs. Wellington has this really grating voice that makes her want to crawl out of her skin, but whatever it is, geometry is _killing_ her. Better her than Rachael Tompkins, who sits directly in front of her and always wears her hair in these little buns (which show every single perfect little blue vein on her neck) and too much perfume (that smells like mangos or something equally delicious) and always stares straight ahead.

Normally she spends her time carefully digging furrows in the bottom of her desk or carefully squeezing the webbing of her right hand so she can raise perfect little crescent shapes over and over again, but today, today she cannot handle it. It's barely ten minutes into class and Mrs. Wellington is drawing random squiggles on the board but the hunger comes faster than it has in weeks and it's only though an act of god (well, god and the look of sadness she _knows_ Stefan will have and she has spent too much of her life disappointing people to disappoint the one person who took a chance on her) that she doesn't just grab Rachael Tompkins and drain her right there, morals and principles be damned. She shoots out of her seat faster than she should have, and everyone stares. She stumbles out an excuse and either she's a better liar than she used to be, or her eyes are redder than they should be because Mrs. Wellington scribbles out a note to the nurse with no compulsion necessary ("Nobody deserves to have their mind messed with for trivial reasons, Caroline" and even though she is pretty sure that Stefan would agree that Rachael Tompkins' life is hardly trivial she'll try for him) and she's out the door before anyone can ask what's wrong.

She decides not to run because she's feeling monsterish enough as it is, and anyway, she can't text and run at the same time. They have history next and she doesn't want Elena to worry when she's not there. The text is a lie, something about forgetting last minute errands that she knows they won't believe it but saying she really just wants to chew on someone probably won't go over well, and she hates it when they worry about her. She decides, as she slides carefully past the office and wends her way towards the gym exit, that she will not be going home. If her mom finds out she ditched she'll get mad and then Caroline will have to lie and she really, really doesn't feel like having a fight. But the boarding house is always available to her, and there is the little room in the attic that she has made her own personal project (that house is entirely too masculine) and plenty of really good alcohol and if she's lucky Damon won't be there which means she can blast all the shitty pop music she knows he hates and nobody will bother her. Plus there's free blood, but she doesn't think about that, not now, because she is not quite out yet and she can't guarantee that she won't eat the next person she sees and she really doesn't want either brother to have to bury another body for her.

The door to the parking lot is in sight, and she is home free. Almost. When she hears her name, she stops short and whirls in place, staring back at Bonnie.

"Hey," Bonnie says, all soft and quiet and she's looking at Caroline like they are five years old again and she's not quite sure how to be friends.

"What?" Caroline grinds out, and it's harsher than she intended but, _fuck_ she cannot deal with this right now.

"How…how are you?" Bonnie asks, and she does look at least a little bit concerned and definitely unsure, and Caroline suddenly kind of hates her.

"Fine. But, um, look, I was actually just leaving, so…" She trails off gesturing vaguely towards the door, because the bell is going to ring in five minutes and if she doesn't leave, now, someone is not making it out of this school alive.

Bonnie's brow furrows, and she actually takes a step closer, like it's a months ago and Caroline isn't dead and Bonnie hadn't accused her of being a monstrous killer and then basically ignored her for the one thing about herself Caroline can't actually help.

"Are you okay?"

The question is said honestly, sincerely, and if this were any other day, any other moment, if Caroline were not a vampire and hadn't just spent the past few weeks being abandoned by the one person she thought was her best friend, she might actually have been touched. But now, here, it takes her more control than she thinks she has to keep from laughing.

"Yeah," she says, and pastes on a perfect Caroline Forbes grin. "Just need to go home, ya know?"

"Oh. Yeah, okay. Um, do you need a ride?" Bonnie actually looks serious, and Caroline cannot, for the life of her, figure out why.

"Um, no, it's okay. I'm actually going to go to Stefan's so…."

Bonnie's face darkens, and her whole countenance changes. It's no longer open and honest and worried—it's closed and angry and judgmental and suddenly Caroline understands why Damon calls her "judgey". "Why?"

Caroline's patience is at an end. "Because Bonnie," she says with a little more snap than she intended, "I really wanted to eat Rachael Tompkins today. And also because Stefan is my best friend and he won't care if I really need to just _chew _on somebody." Its mean and unnecessary and harsh and it doesn't even sound like her, not really, and it doesn't even make sense either because Stefan is in history with Elena and won't even know she is at his house until he gets back later today, and she _knows_ he wouldn't be okay with her chewing on people but for once she really wants to be the monster she knows Bonnie sees. (It's not a lie though. Stefan really is her best friend, even if he doesn't know it yet, and she really did want to eat Rachael Tompkins, even if she never would have.) But it's not fair of Bonnie to hate the Salvatores for what Katherine did, not fair of her to judge who Caroline loves when Bonnie was the one who left after she died.

She'll apologize tomorrow, or maybe later today, blame it on the blood or the weather or something equally untrue, but right now all she wants to do is leave. She moves before Bonnie can say anything else, and humanness be damned, she _blurs _down the hall because the bell is about to ring and the parking lot is so close she can practically taste the asphalt of her freedom.

When she bursts through the door the sun is too bright and it takes a second for her eyes to adjust as she heads blindly towards her car. When she gets there, he's leaning against her trunk, sunglasses on, staring his boots and twiddling with his phone.

"What're you doing here? I thought you had history?"

Stefan grins. "Elena got your text, and I figured you might need some company."

She doesn't need to tell him he's right, and that's good since right now she can't speak because she suddenly wants to cry a little, and she needs a second to get her voice under control.

"Anyway," he continues in the silence, standing straight and moving towards the driver's side door, "I figured Alaric won't hold it against me, considering I lived through most of it." He shrugs. "And I'm hungry." He opens the door for her, head tilted slightly and she thinks he might know her a bit too well. "Care to grab a bite before we go home?" he asks, and she knows he doesn't mean a burger at the Grill and she's so absurdly grateful it's actually a little ridiculous.

"Yes!" she gushes when she's sure her voice sounds normal. She grins at him, all teeth and honest sincerity, and it's at that moment she decides that she definitely loves him. Not like _that_, not like Elena does because even though he's hot and all that he's not really for her, but like the brother she always wanted but never got to have, like the best friend she has only recently realized she has been missing.

When she slips past him to get in the car, she gives him another smile and squeezes his hand. "You're the best, you know that?"

He shrugs nonchalantly, a smile hidden in the corners of his lips. "I've had a lot of practice," he tells her, and she decides then that she can do eternity as long as she gets to be best friends with Stefan Salvatore.


End file.
